Thinking about my future is so disgusting to me, but I know that I have to do it now.  I don’t like thinking about the future, because to be honest, I don’t see myself living passed 23 because of all of the health problems that I have, which should be sad to think about, but I’m not really sad about it?  Anyway, I know what I want to be when I grow up.  I hope that I can make this happen.  Something very traumatic happened to me when I was younger, my parents still do not know about it.  It’s something that I went through alone and it happened for an entire year.  For this, I want to be a psychologist.  I want to be able to help children who either went through what I did, or went through anything else that could be considered traumatic.

Not only do I want to help children, I want to help adults too.  I am still not over what happened to me when I was younger, to this day I am still hurt and still cry about it once in a blue moon.  I know how bad it could hurt to go through something like that.  I want to be able to be there for someone, and just be that person that no one was for me because I didn’t tell anyone until recently.

If I cannot be a regular psychologist, I want to be a school psychologist.  I can’t really say that I’ve ever experienced bullying.  Guys teased me at school for being gay, but I really didn’t care at all, so it’s really hard to consider that being “bullied”.  In a way, it is, but if I don’t really care about what they are saying to me and it doesn’t affect me emotionally, so I can’t really victimize myself.  Although I’ve never experienced bullying first-hand, I am very aware that bullying is alive and well.  Bullying is one of the main reasons teenagers feel the need to cut their lives short.  Some not thinking about the effects that it could have on their families.  I want to be there for those children.  It took so much out of me not to do that to myself after what happened to me happened because I felt so used and so disgusting.  I lived, so should everyone else.

Another one of my very unrealistic dreams is being a singer.  I have loved singing ever since I was a little kid.  I can sing pretty well, but definitely not well enough to be famous for it.  I always dream about performing for an audience.  I think I started loving to sing because my best friend is so good at it.  She makes me want to just sing with her for the rest of my life.  Here’s a picture of us.  It’s actually her birthday tomorrow!


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